How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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