Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
