I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
