I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
