I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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