By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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