Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
