Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
