Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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