Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You may now shotgun with the bride
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
