Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
