This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
