Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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