well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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