I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
