so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
