Who did Billy Mays play for?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
