we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
