he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
