That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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