just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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