yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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