Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
