I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
