Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
