Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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