proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
