hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
