I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
