there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
