my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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