I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
