not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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