I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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