I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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