All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
