I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
