I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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