I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
