And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
