So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
then he tried to convert me to islam
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
