I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
