Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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