I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
