i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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