Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
