corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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