my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
