i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
