she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
