I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
