apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
