somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
